That one step forward...
When God wants you to share
I knew in my heart that I had to share something and I kept getting frustrated with myself, because I could feel God wanting me to encourage you all with something but I couldn't get the picture so to speak. You see I've had a hard time trying to understand how God could even use me. I even asked my husband what are my talents. He smiled at me, and said, "Sharon, your problems isn't that God won't use you, or that you aren't gifted enough. No. Your problem is that you think everyone else is good enough to be used by God but not yourself. I've heard you say why would he want to use me." my husband went on to talk about my faith and passion, but the point I want to focus on is the sheer fact that I've always struggled with who I am. I know what the bible says, I understand it's how God sees me, I've read it over and over. I just can't seem to live it. But why?, this has been a question that's haunted me for years. I keep saying "God give me something to share to encourage" I've been so focused on trying to be this inspirational encouragement. That I've missed the whole point to what God wanted me to do. Step out. Say who I am. Initially, for a brief second I thought why would anyone want to know about me. But there I go again. It's not about me, its about who is represented in my testimony, and what he does through you as you read on. That's the point of sharing, that's what I think Jesus meant when he said go make disciples of all nations spreading the good news.
I want to take this step in faith with you and share a bit of my testimony, I pray it blesses you in some way shape or form.
My testament
I've not always believed in God, I've always known of him as I grew up in a christian household. But never knew what it meant to me until the penny dropped so to speak while I was at a youth camp in 2003. Nothing spectacular happened. I didn't receive a miraculous healing or a supernatural encounter. No, yet something changed in me: it was like all the sudden it all made sense. I started to become super excited about God. But wait, pause... (It didn't just start there like you would think from reading this.) if i had a remote control, here's where I'd say rewind back the years with me. You see when I was a child, this one particular night. As I climbed into bed, I heard my name, in a guys voice, loud and clear. I just want to empathize that the only guy in the house was my brother. So I automatically thought it would of had to have been him as I didn't know who God was personally. But my brother was adamant he hadn't said anything. For a brief time I was a little freaked out. But very quickly shrugged it off and fell asleep. Now that I have a relationship with God I fully understand it was him who called my name.
(fast forward back to when I accepted God in my life) I didn't take my walk with God seriously because as a teenager I wasn't taken seriously. It wasn't till I attended an Elim Pentecostal church and the pastor at the time saw I wasn't doing well, I was a wreck. He and his wife helped me out big time and supported me in prayer and encouragement through my walk.
Over the years, through the joys and frustrations God has shown me how to be able to trust him and most importantly I've come to absolutely adore God with all my heart and I'm incredibly thankful and blessed for all he has done in my life.
One of the things I wanted to talk about was when I had cancer. I've heard it said if you have an illness you must have sinned, or you lack in faith. But that is far from the truth, and let me go into why.
John 9:3... "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him (NIV)
You see before the thyroid cancer reared its ugly head and invaded my life. And I mean a year before, God warned me I was going to have cancer. Even my husband had a warning dream before I did, he had a dream in our 1st year of marriage. Anyway back to the point, when God warned me, it started with the thought 'you're going to get cancer but you won't die', this thought kicked off my imagination and I imagined the cancer to be far worse than it was. When these thoughts came into mind, my first reaction was back off devil I'm not about to live in fear. Once I said this I shrugged it off and never gave it another thought. A year later I became pregnant, this pregnancy kicked off the cancer that took over my thyroid gland. I ended up with this huge lump in my neck. But with my past record of weird things always happening to me. I didn't give it a second thought. I just assumed it was an inflamed gland. It wasn't my first inflamed gland in my life, so i just thought i must have picked up an infection. It wasn't until I went to a coffee morning, one lady there asked me if I'd been to get it checked out. Little did I know this would be where I found out. Those who know me know I would rather not go to the doctors, if I could avoid it I would. But this lady was persistent that I saw a doctor. So I called the doctor and requested an appointment. The doctor went and got second doctors opinion. They both said I needed an appointment at the hospital as soon as possible. At this appointment I had a biopsy done which brought the results of me having cancer. I honestly froze for a brief moment. Because I was confident it would be fine and just some weird inflamed infection that can be sorted with medication. But nope; that's wasn't the road for me. Those words "you have cancer" are 3 heart sinking words anyone could hear. I wanted to cry, yet I was filled with an incredible peace. I had to wait for my first surgery because of the major factor that I was still pregnant. Anyway, a beautiful healthy baby came and thankfully not affected by the cancer at all, praise God. From March to September it was the case of two surgeries and an radioactive Iodine treatment. Yet strangely, the most upsetting thing through it all wasn't cancer or what they were doing to me, it was that my new born baby had to stop breast feeding at 3 months. To some people that isn't a big deal but to me it was an emotional process as my other girls were fed up to a year or two.
Throughout the cancer process, what's i found strange was I never felt any different, I knew I had cancer, I knew things were about to change, I would be on medication for life. But I never felt any different throughout the process than to what I do on a normal day. And I can only pin that on God. I remember being asked why are you so positive even when you have cancer, or how are you happy. My confidence in knowing that all would be OK and It wasn't going to be the end for me because i trusted that God would keep to his word. He had never failed in coming to pass in things he said to me before, why would he fail me now.
Isaiah 55:11
so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. (NIV)
My love for God has only grown stronger and stronger over the years, not because it's what I've been told to think or believe, no. it's because of the relationship built between myself and God. The understanding, the time and the encounters. Being a witness to things that no man can explain why or how that happened. It's the inner joy that keeps me going through life, i could be having a rough time with whats happening in life and/or through my husbands job, but the joy of the lord is always our strength and it is what keeps us as a family strong. pursuing a relationship with God is the best decision I've ever made. I wouldn't want my life without him.
Let Pray.
Father, it is you that brings life, it's you that gives us the air that we breath. You know the ins and outs of our life, and our minds our hearts. You know the beginning to the end of our lives. You have plans set aside for us to do that are good and prosperous, that will give glory to your name. Father help us not to be afraid to tell our story, even if we think 'why would anyone want to know about me'. It's about sharing you, your the good news the world needs, the hope and glory that heals the sick, that brings the dead to life, that changes a persons heart and mind for their good. It is this hope; that the world needs, and our testimony is the powerful tool gifted to us to share and bless those we encounter each day of our lives. Fill us oh God with your spirit, guide us into your truths. Help us to boldly walk through life knowing that, whatever the size of the story in our life, nothing is insignificant. Everything can and will be used by you God, should we allow You. May we see opportunities to encourage others and show there is hope through the storm, and the other side is in sight. in Jesus name amen
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